Who Knew Nyquil Could Do That?

I need to preface this post by confessing that I hum-all the time. If you don’t hear me, I am humming inside my head. Jason hears me, especially in the car. It doesn’t bother him-except when I hum the instrumental parts-then, he gets irritated and says “Carmen, you cannot hum drums”. Without getting too much into my psyche, I’ll just tell you that humming a tune is a comfort to me, I cannot explain it.


You’ll understand where I’m going with this in just a minute.

I’m not one for resolutions, who really is? I didn’t make one, but I was really excited to begin a new decade. I have plans and hopes for me and my family. Me and God were going to become extra close this year. With a sincere heart, I expressed my desire to please him, to live for him and to reflect him this New Year. I was so proud of myself.

But only for a second.

It’s day 8 in the New Year and I’m done. I’m ready for some psychological drugs.


One depressing thing after another, bam, bam bam. Some things I’ll share, some things I’ll keep between me and Jason.


Upon the New Year, there was a diagnosis of another kidney infection. I can handle the infection; the medicine to fight the infection causes much havoc. The thought of being back in a hospital makes me take the medcine. 


Our van died. It’s dead. Along with our budget. Our budget cannot handle a car payment right now.


Enter something really bad here: __________________________.


And here: ______________________________ _____________ ___________ ________.


And something personal here: _________________________.


Jason said I sat straight up in my sleep two nights ago and screamed. He said I scared his socks off. Well, he didn’t say that exactly - but you get the picture. Since that night, I hadn’t been able to get myself together. Jason never knows who he’s gonna get when he comes home; the weepy, fearful, worry-wart, disconnected wife or the needy, “clingy”, childish wife.


Yesterday, I was told that my work hours were being cut. Yep, saving up for that new used car is going to be impossible. Taking each other to work and picking each other up is going to be a way of life for me and Jason for a while. It’s nearly impossible and the biggest waste of time.


Also yesterday, one of my many managers offered to treat my department to lunch at Long John Silver’s. My co-worker left to get it and returned without my grilled chicken sandwich.


That did it. That is when I lost it my friends. Sitting at my computer desk, holding back the ugly cry, tears falling. Lunch was my breaking point.

Defeated, depressed and fearful – those are the basic things I have felt since the first day of the new decade. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all.

Jason went out last night at midnight and bought me some Nyquil-the real stuff, just so I could get some sleep. It was wonderful for a few hours, but inevitably, the kidney thing woke me up around 3 AM. I’m pretty used to it, so it doesn’t bother me too much. Humming, I grabbed a glass of water and started to walk over to our window to look out like Mrs. Kravitz and see if there was anything going on.

Mid-step I was stopped.


Come close and I'll tell you what happened next: I heard a voice.


I’m not crazy.


It was not the voice that turns the Cedars of Lebanon into toothpicks, but it was a still, small, CLEAR-as-a-sunny-day voice:

 “Child, quit humming that song and say the words”.

And I did:

Be strong in the Lord and,


Never give up hope,


You’re going to do great things,


I already know,


God’s got his hand on you so,


Don’t live life in fear,


Forgive and forget,


But don’t forget why you’re here,


Take your time and pray,


These are the words I would say.


God is good, all the time. Even in self-pity. I went back to bed, wrapped my body around a sleeping, wonderful man who was clueless about the little miracle that just took place in our kitchen and let the tears of repentance fall and wash my pillow.

There are millions in the world who have it a ka-zillion times worse. I have perspective. Just know that you won’t waste a prayer on me and my family. I don’t know if this is a spiritual battle going on...
We have a few decisions to make and we have one little need.

We also have a big God, who whispers hope.

Coo-Coo for Coconut-A Labor of Love

Jason and I watched an episode of "Good Eats" with Alton Brown a looooong time ago in which he was making a coconut cake, from scratch. He said to plan on it taking up half of your weekend but that it would be totally worth it. He was right, on both counts.


Mom invited us over for New Years Day dinner and she didn't even ask me to bring anything. I thought I would surprise her with the coconut cake. She loves her some coconut; which is kinda shocking since she hates fruit of ANY KIND. My mom will tell you that she likes apple pie and cherry pie - but she doesn't tell you that she picks out every single piece of fruit. She loves banana pudding-without the bananas and she loves pineapple upside down cake without the pineapple. Go figure. Every year for her birthday, Jason teases her and tells her he got her a fruit basket or a membership to Fruit of the Month Club. It's funny every time.


Jason and I started the cake on Friday morning; it was finished at 5 PM. I could not have done it without him. I would have ended up crying and throwing the coconut againsts the wall.


Ingredients
1 coconut *see below*
For the cake:
Vegetable shortening, for cake pan
3 cups of CAKE FLOUR (yes, cake; flour do not skimp)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 cup fresh coconut milk **see below**
1/2 cup fresh coconut cream **see below**
2 sticks (8 ounces) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 1/4 cups sugar
1 teaspoon coconut extract
4 egg whites
1/3 cup coconut water


For the 7-Minute Frosting:
3 large egg whites
1 3/4 cups sugar
1/3 cup coconut water
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Grated coconut from 1 coconut, approximately 8 to 10 ounces


Directions
**Opening the coconut: Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Place the coconut onto a folded towel set down in a large bowl. Find the 3 eyes on 1 end of the coconut and using a nail or screwdriver and hammer or meat mallet, hammer holes into 2 of the eyes. Turn the coconut upside down over a container and drain the water from the coconut. Store the water in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to a week. Place the coconut onto a 1/2 sheet pan and bake in the oven for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven. The coconut should have cracked in several places. Using an oyster knife or other dull blade, separate the hard shell from the brown husk. Using a serrated vegetable peeler, peel the brown husk from the coconut meat. Rinse the coconut meat under cool water and pat dry. Break the meat into 2 to 3-inch pieces. With the grater disk attached to a food processor, grate the coconut.

For the cake:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 2 (9-inch) cake pans. Flour the greased cake pans. Set aside.


Place the flour, baking powder and salt into a large mixing bowl and whisk to combine.
This is cake flour, use it-I'm not messing around here.

**The coconut milk directions:
For the milk:
1/2 cup freshly grated coconut
1/2 cup boiling 2 percent milk
For cream:
1 cup freshly grated coconut
1/2 cup boiling 2 percent milk


For the milk:
Place 1/2 cup of the coconut into a small mixing bowl and pour over the boiling milk. Stir to combine. Cover tightly and allow to sit for 1 hour. Transfer the mixture to the carafe of a blender and process for 1 minute.


Place a tea towel over a mixing bowl and carefully pour the mixture into it. Gather up the edges and squeeze until all of the liquid has been removed.


For the cream:
Repeat the same procedure as above only using 1 cup of freshly grated coconut


Combine the coconut milk and coconut cream in small bowl and set aside.

Place the butter into the bowl of a stand mixer and using the paddle attachment, cream on medium speed until fluffy, approximately 1 minute. Decrease the speed to low and gradually add the sugar slowly over 1 to 2 minutes. Once all of the sugar has been added, stop the mixer and scrape down the sides. Turn the mixer back on to medium speed and continue creaming until the mixture noticeably lightens in texture and increases slightly in volume, approximately 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the coconut extract.

With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture alternately with the milk mixture to the butter and sugar in 3 batches, ending with the milk mixture. Do not over mix.

In a separate bowl, whisk the egg whites until they form stiff peaks. Fold the egg whites into the batter, just until combined. Divide the batter evenly between the pans and bang the pans on the counter top several times to remove any air and to distribute the batter evenly in the pan. Place in the oven on the middle rack. Bake for 40 minutes or until the cake is light golden in color and reaches an internal temperature of 200 degrees F.

Cool the cake in the pans for 10 minutes then remove and transfer to a cooling rack. Once the cakes have cooled completely cut across the equator of each to form 4 layers. Place the 1/3 cup coconut water into a small spritz bottle and spray evenly onto the cut side of the 4 layers. If you do not have a spritz bottle you may brush the coconut water on with a silicone pastry brush. Allow to sit while preparing the frosting.


Frosting:
Bring 1 quart of water to a boil in a 4-quart saucepan over high heat. Decrease the heat to medium to maintain a steady simmer. In the meantime, place the egg whites, sugar, coconut water, cream of tartar and salt into a medium size-mixing bowl. Place the bowl over the simmering water and immediately begin beating with an electric hand mixer set to low speed. Beat for 1 minute and then increase the speed to high and continue to beat for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and beat in the coconut and vanilla extracts for 1 minute. Allow the frosting to sit for 5 minutes before using.

Place approximately 3/4 cup of the frosting on the first layer of cake, sprinkle with some fresh coconut and top with the next layer. Repeat until you reach the top layer. Frost the top and sides of the cake and sprinkle with the remaining coconut. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before serving.

Here is the cake in the fridge, sitting for 30 minutes.  It was excruciating to wait.

Oh, it was so worth it. 

I would love to know if anyone else makes this. 

It is so delicious and it is now my favorite cake ever, yes, EVER.