It's What For Dinner

Nowadays, my very existence is humiliating to my children. I am not to speak when they are in the company of their friends. Mainly because I have been known to say things like “you should have seen him when he was a baby, he had more chins than a Chinese phone book” or “remember that time I had to have the Kings Island worker stop the roller coaster and let you off because you were crying so much?”. Maybe it's because one time they were outside with a group of friends and were told to be inside several minutes prior and I sent Jason outside to hang out with them – shirtless and he asked them if they wanted to come inside and listen to his Brittany Spears records. Where was I going with this………oh yeah, the bane of my kids existence.
I have found a way to earn their love and admiration, if only for just a few moments: Steak Bites.
When I make these, I am smart, I am adored, I am needed. Maybe you all can use some of that in your life, if only for 2 minutes.

I seriously cannot think of anything easier than this recipe and to top it off it is inexpensive.
You will need:
2-3 pounds of top round beef steak (very little fat)
Kosher salt
Butter

Pick the steak with the least amount of fat and "marbeling"

                                                         Trim off ALL fat and throw it away!
                                           Cut the steak into little cubes, I like to cut mine small.
Put the cubed steak in your orange Kitchen Aid bowl and then generously and I mean GENEROUSLY sprinkle with kosher salt. Make sure every piece of steak has salt.  I like salt. I hear it's good for you.

In a large saute pan melt this much butter on HIGH heat.

Don't burn it for goodness sake, but get it very hot.

  Pay no attention to the pan on the back burner, I am not making two pans of steak bites at one time, we are not pigs you know and I resent you thinking such things.

Once you add the steak to the hot, buttery pan DO NOT STIR THEM.  Leave them sit and let them cook and get nice and brown, dark brown.  Anyone who stirs these steak bites before I say so gets a swift slap on the hiney.

See, they are cooking up nicely. Once you feel they are brown on one side, flip them over and them cook them some more.

Oh baby, they are looking good.  Don't even think about taking them out of the pan now, they are not done.  You want them almost burnt, but not carcinogenic or anything.  Leave them, trust me. 

                                                               
                                         okay.....NOW                                      
                                        
Take them out of the pan and put them in a glass dish to keep warm while you cook the rest. 

                                        What's that?

is that sliced butter on top of the already cooked pieces of steak that are in the glass dish awaiting the other steak bites to  be cooked?  No, it is not.

Okay, it is.  Don't call the police.

Jason and I have our steak bites with a baked potato, my kids however, eat them by themselves with nothing else and they don't even use a fork.

True story.

Not really.

Lauren Rebecca

Seventeen years ago I experienced such pain and agony, I didn’t think any human could endure and live to testify; that day was your birthday.


An emergency ultra-sound was ordered – due to the fact that you were two weeks overdue – I was told labor was going to be induced within the hour. Evidentially, there was no amniotic fluid left and you basically did not have any nourishment for who knows how long.

Twelve hours into labor “people” began to get impatient-especially Grandpa and Aunt Sheila. So when the time of your arrival finally came (28 hours later, I’m just sayin’) Grandpa and Sheila pretty much refused to leave the delivery room. I was in no condition to argue. This explains why the video of your birth has not been viewed by many – Grandpa was the videographer, he got a little caught up in the moment and some of the angles are …. not….very…um….tasteful.

Anyhow, my little pumpkin, I regret telling you that I have no memory of your arrival. I was in a state of pain-induced unconsciousness. When I woke up, I expected that someone of great importance would be coming into my hospital room and delivering me a crown on a pillow, dozens and dozens of roses and a huge diamond ring; all of these things with an accompanying card from the whole world saying “You are amazing, no one else could ever do what you just did” (ha!)

Due to the lack of amniotic fluid you had a pretty rough birthday too. I was told that your color was gray and that you were covered in a white chalkiness. I think Grandma still tears up when she talks about your pitiful newborn cry. It didn’t take very long (only a few hours) for that pitiful cry to become strong (and somewhat demanding) and for your color to turn pink. I remember being in recovery and a nurse brought you in a little bassinet, there was an identification card posted on it with your name and your newborn footprint. Grandma noticed that there was only half a footprint on that card and asked the nurse why. She sheepishly replied that your whole foot would not fit on the card. A sign of things to come. 

Seventeen years later and here we are, I’m still an unsure mother and you still have a demanding cry. (grin) You have forgiven me a thousand times over for my mothering mistakes; for my over-protectiveness, my under-protectiveness, my selfishness, my lack of patience and that hairstyle for your third grade school picture. You have grown into your feet (boy, did you!) but most importantly you have grown in beauty; inside and out.

My tender hearted, fearless, patient, literal, phlegmatic, perfectionist, literal, forgiving, (did I mention literal?) firstborn. You are amazing. You have a heart of gold. You do. Guard it, protect it, keep it close to Christ, give it only to your future husband.

You have brought indescribable joy to me. I am so proud of you.

Please don’t get tattoos.

I love you forever.  Happy Birthday.

You will always be right here: